Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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