so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize