Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
