So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
