Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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