lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
