guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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