I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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