I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
