I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
the raccoons are back...
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