I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
