my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
