yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
