Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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