Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
