We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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