Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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