AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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