You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I still have a little drunk in my system
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
