and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
