Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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