Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize