after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
