Already got asked if we're dating
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
