Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
