Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
