so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
