I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
