Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
