I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
