I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
