I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
