Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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