Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
