it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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