I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
