I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
