Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
