Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
