I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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