I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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