Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
