Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
