Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
