SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
