Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
