im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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