I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
