I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
