Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
