we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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