yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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