i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
