I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
