When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
