True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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