sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
