Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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