I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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