you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
