i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
