got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
