My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
