Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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