I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
