I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
