I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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